Fake Mystery Writer Used to Promote Show About a Fake Mystery Writer
Published November 3rd, 2009 | 
Have you ever watched that show, Castle, about the mystery writer who helps the police solve crimes (Yeah, there’s an original concept)? Well, the other day, my mother, who watches the show, informs be that the show is "based on a real person" because "Richard Castle" just came out with a new book. I told my mother that there’s no way that show is based on the life of a real character and that if there’s a mystery novel out there written by Richard Castle, it’s just a fake publicity stunt to promote the TV show. Since my mom didn’t seem to be buying my explanation, I decided to check it out.
Well, this "Richard Castle" hasn’t written "a bunch of books" as my mom pointed-out. There is one book currently on the the market, which is the same as the fake book the character on the show has written, entitled Heat Wave or something like that. It has the same characters and same plot as the book on the show. Coincidence? I think not. It’s a marketing ploy. Nothing more. Nothing less. And it’s not a new idea. Remember Murder She Wrote? There were books on the market for a while allegedly written by "Jessica Fletcher". ABC (which televises Castle) did the same thing with the Stephen King miniseries, Rose Red. You hire a ghostwriter to pen a novel based on the show under the pseudonym which is the same as a fictional character on that show. It’s a product tie-in with an extra string attached.
Now, I was reading a discussion about this stunt on an Amazon book discussion forum in which a heated argument was going on about whether or not such a marketing stunt was a good thing or not. Most people on the forum thought is was a cute, fun idea. One guy was very angry about it. I tend to agree more with the guy who was angry about it. However, unlike the guy who was angry about it, I’m going to articulate why I don’t like it. Listen, there’s no denying a stunt like this a clever and very effective method or promoting a TV show. I’m not even going to dispute this. These media conglomerates who own most of the big publishing and media outlets wouldn’t do it if it didn’t make them money. I understand that these companies do what they do solely to make lots of money. For them, it’s not about creating art. If, on occasion, they happen to publish something that is art, it’s more by happy accident than by design — because the creative goals of a particular author happened to coincide with the commercial interests of the publisher. More often than not, the publisher and the writer are at cross purposes.
What bothers me is that I know, for most real writers, creating art is a primary concern. We wouldn’t have the many great literary works that have shaped our collective cultural lives if writers didn’t care about creating art. Even if writers care about making money, it’s not usually their primary motivation. So, when you do something so crass as to remove the artistic motivation from the act of writing, you devalue the creative act itself. You undermine it.
Now I’m not saying that Heat Wave is not entertaining — I’m sure if they got a James Patterson, or Stephen Cannell (as has been rumored) to ghostwrite the thing, it’s probably slick enough, and well-paced enough to make for a breezy, entertaining read. But, when you bring a writer into a room, filled with TV producers and other executives, hand them a by-the-numbers plot, with a cookie-cutter character and pay them to write a derivative work and try to pass it off as something original, written by a real person, you are not serving the interests of creative art — you are serving interests of the board room. It’s not cute. It’s disingenuous and very, very cynical.
* This post brought to you courtesy of aquatell, sellers of quality water softeners.
Posted in Authors, Books, Current Events, Happy Horseshit, Publishing, Rants, The Writing Life, characters, novels, random thoughts, writing scamsSelf-Publishing Consultants are Dummies
Published July 21st, 2009 | I was in the grocery store the other day, standing in the aisle with the weight loss supplements. I was holding this one weight loss supplement in my hand and, reading the ingredients and the bold-lettered promises on the box, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was being conned. My desperation over my weight and my continued trouble controlling my weight despite diet and exercise attracted me to this aisle and this product. I was ripe for the picking. But, any product that promises you that you can lose xx-number of pounds in ten days or less is either a) a lie or b) very dangerous. So, I placed it back on the shelf and waddled my fat ass to the next aisle. I was disappointed and frustrated. I feel a similar frustration and disappointment these days when I think about blogging and writing — specifically when I think about those individuals who use blogging and writing as a tool to con others with misleading information and get-rich-quick scams. The latest scam I’ve come across is the “self-publishing consultant” ruse. I was reading a so-called blog post this morning with glowing claims about how easy it is for anyone to earn money as a self-publishing consultant, selling services to wannabe writers who use self-publishing and vanity services to publish their books:
“You can start your own business as a Self Publishing Consultant and help people realize their dreams of becoming published writers. This is a very lucrative business because the number of people who want to see their names as book writers is huge.”
With the advent of services like iUniverse, Xlibris, and Booksurge, the number of people who now churning-out books has risen steadily over the last several years. This has lead to a disproportional increase in individuals promoting freelance editing services or calling themselves “publishing consultants”. Let’s get something straight: a consultant is usually defined as an expert in a specific profession who offers advice to others for a fee. Presumably, a publishing consultant would have to have years of experience working in the publishing industry, a successful track record of achieving results in the publishing field and/or advanced knowledge about the publishing business, intellectual property law, and the technology used to bring unpublished works to market. What a publishing consultant is not is some random dipshit who maybe read a blog post telling said dipshit how he can make loads of cash by calling himself a “publishing consultant” because he read Self-publishing for Dummies, but has never worked in the publishing industry or even gone through the publishing process personally as either a writer or editor or anything else related to publishing. To even imply that one can provide editing or marketing advice and services to a writer without also pointing-out that one must actually possess these skills is irresponsible and any would-be writer who hires a “self-publishing consultant” without verifying whether or not this person possesses these skills is a fool.
Posted in Happy Horseshit, Publishing, Rants, The Writing Life, Wannabes, blogging, blogs, writing scamsAn Unclean, Dimwitted Place
Published May 19th, 2009 | I spend a little time in some discussion forum or other, at least once a week (sometimes because I’m being paid to do so and other times for my own amusement or to get a kernal of an idea for a blog post like this one) and I’ve come to the conclusion that online discussion forums are, for the most part, a waste of time. In particular writing forums are a big waste of time. You will find the dumbest, most illiterate, knuckle-dragging wannabe douchebags hanging out in these places. Yesterday, for example, I was lurking in the Craigslist writing forum for a bit. I don’t actually remember lurking on Craiglist’s forum before and I was curious. I have to say that the writing forum on Craigslist makes discussion groups like alt.art.poetry.comments seem like the Algonquin round table by comparison. I mean — jesus fucking Christ — where’s Dorothy Parker when you need her!
Here’s a few samples from the forum to give you an idea of what I’m talking about:
Writing problem…. < bigpowr> 05/18 00:14:59
Hey, i have come to realize that i am a terrible writer. Im never able to get all of my thoughts together without them escaping my mind. Its like my brian has a glitch. I feel I have a tremendous storytelling ability. I got it from my grandpa, he would tell me stories for days,literally. I was hoping someone here could help me with my problem. Maybe if someone takes a chance on me, i can prove to be worth your while. I have very creative and original ideas. I could come up with content for days, my surface hasn’t even been scratched. People have been telling me this for years, and I kind of fell into a slump bc of it. I always just thought that good things would come from within, but they haven’t. Anyone care to share a little insight? Maybe someone could use a person with untapped talent? Let me know, I am a great problem solver and would be helpful on any book or screenplay. I just need an outlet.
A “terrible writer”? I’m wondering what great epiphany lead him to that conclusion since he obviously thinks otherwise. I’m also wondering how being a bad writer is a selling point for other writers, editors and publishers. Honestly, he speaks of himself as if he were pregnant with talent and all he needs is a C-section to bring out of him. If I am a talented writer (and let’s say for argument’s sake that I am) or a publisher seeking new writers, what’s my incentive to contact this person? My big toe has more writing ability than this guy so what the fuck would I need him for? Although, I am amusing myself right now imagining an old man “literally” keeping a child awake and sleep-deprived for days at a time telling him old war stories and such:
“Grandpa, I wanna go home. I’m sleepy.”
“Nonesense, boy. Drink your coffee and listen up.”
And how about this dumbass:
A real editor < jjustsayyyin > 05/17 09:15:57
I think you’re giving too much credit. An editor is just somebody who’s read a lot. Don’t let them fool you . . . . Nobody can tell you when you story really should be shortened and all. I wouldn’t listen to advice on that matter. One person might tell you to shorten it, another to leave it the way it is, another it’s too short. With the exception of spelling and punct. and maybe some paragraphs need to be clarified, I wouldn’t let an editor tell me anything. I’m well read, so maybe I have more know-how then/than the next guy, but that’s about the extent of expertise I’d take.
It’s your story, write it the way you want to write it. The greatest writers of all time have been told their stuff was no good, so you can’t really take the advice of professionals. That’s a sad statement for me to make, but it’s true.
And some of the greatest novels have plot holes, bad writing, spelling errors, no command of a good sentence. Don’t buy into all that bullshit. Write a story with a great charcater that everybody loves and people won’t give a shit about all that other stuff. It’s like getting laid. Do you really give a shit about the flaws in the person you’re are screwing, no . . ., you’re just happy you’re getting laid.
You can buy into all the fluff, or you can just write a great story about a great character and get it out there and market it, or you can just be a jerkoff like the rest of the people on the internet or people trying to get published, waiting for somebody to touch you on the shoulder and say your it.
Yeah, that’s some great advice, numbnuts. You’ll go far, you “well read” stud you. Seriously, though, I’d like some examples of “great writers” who published material without any editing at all, rife with mistakes, attrociously unforgivable grammatical errors and misspellings. And I’m not talking about intentional missteps like Eliot using “Let us go then, you and I” instead of “Let us go then you and me.” or Mailer using the proposterous and made-up word “fug” instead of “fuck” in Naked and the Dead because he was forbidden to use the word “fuck” in print in the late 1940’s in the U.S. I’m not talking about creative license exercised by writers who bloody well knew the difference. I’m talking about functional illiterates who can’t tie their own damn shoes or spell their own names. Name one truly great writer (or even a passably good one) of that ilk.
Or how about this asshole:
My Having Knowledge You Don’t Have < theothernews > 05/16 16:26:23
Is exactly why no one on this forum is going to make it. You should have learned to bite your tongue. I’ve navigated the writing/publishing business far beyond the best agents capabilities. Like you know, I’ve done very well. And, your limitations are your greatest punishment.
This guy claims to be a successful publisher, but refuses to name his press or anyone he’s ever worked with or books he’s published. [note: subsequent to writing this blog post, I discovered that his name is RD Peters and has a website called Iron Pyramid Publications which features his lame writing — trust me, he is not a successful writer or publisher.] He makes other outlandish claims as well. There seems to be a widely held opinion among many of the other idiots posting on this board that he is a troll and a liar. He also claims to be a survivor of the very same cancer I had and I’d be inclined to think he was making that up as well except that I can’t imagine why someone would make something like that up. Plus, much of what he says about his cancer experience sounds accurate based on my own experience with the disease (although, he could have picked up a lot of this information by lurking on cancer survivor discussion boards). Still, the man doesn’t demonstrate any coherent knowledge of writing or the publishing industry (the man doesn’t even know what the Kindle is despite claiming credit for predicting the digital revolution years ago — how is it even possible for an established publishing professional in 2009 not to have even heard of the Kindle?) His occasional critiques of other posters’ writing and his obvious disdain for poetry (though he claims he used to write it) is further evidence that he’s clueless. I also don’t see any rationale for a busy professional writer and publisher to be wasting their time posting in this forum — much less posting on what seems to be an hourly basis except maybe in the hopes of being able to con another wannabe who knows even less than he does.
Posted in Assholes, Happy Horseshit, Publishing, Rants, Shits and Giggles, The Writing Life, Wannabes, editing, websites, writing scams