Diary of a Mad Editor

Archive for the ‘writing scams’ Category

Apparently Any Retard Can Be Accredited By the Better Business Bureau

It’s time for another scam alert. If you are a regular follower of the Writer Beware blog you’re probably already familiar with this one, but if not here’s the scoop:

It seems that, like that great and terrible mythical monster the Hydra, you cut off the head of Airleaf, the publishing scammers that were put out of business a while back, another head just grows to take it’s place.  I give you Jones Harvest Publishing founded by Brien Jones, a former executive at Airleaf aka Bookman Marketing aka Bookman Publishing(who it’s been alleged in the past that he was guilty of theft and sexual harrassment — who knows if any of that is true, but you got to figure he learned a few tricks from his former employer).  The thing that I found most entertaining is the tagline on the Jones Harvest blog: “Good people doing the right thing in an industry where most people do the wrong thing.  That’s some hilarious shit when you consider the brand of publishing Jones is into.

Go to the website and you can clearly see that it’s  yet another vanity press for no-talent wannabe writers. Bad writers of godsmack awful books with badly-designed covers.

I tracked one of these so-called authors on the Internet, a poet who is allegedly “world-renowned” despite the fact that I’d never heard of him (And let’s face it, when it comes to poets that matter, I’ve either heard of them, read them, know them by reputation or know them personally).  The poet, who’s name is J. Kellogg Burnham has a book of George Bush - themed poetry called The Long Shadow of the Bush.  Imagine a really awful poet who was writing bad poetry about a hundred years ago and you can kind of imagine what Burnham’s style of poetry is like.  But, you don’t have to take my word for it — you can find his book on Google Book Search and  read suffer through it yourself.  In tracking Burnham, the only place I could find anything about him was on websites of other “affiliate sites” owned and operated by Jones Harvest (unless you count the 1907 NYT obiturary of a James Kellogg Burnham — think it’s the same guy?): authorcelebrity.com, greatconceptbooks.com, starredreview.com, etc. Brien Jones makes no secret of the fact that he owns all of these websites (and even if he did make a secret of it Whois.net tells the tale), but it does pose the question to aspiring authors: If the only place you can find these writers is on websites owned by the publisher, how can any of them be “world renowned,” “distinguished” or “bestsellers,” huh?  Who’s talking about these authors? Where are their books being reviewed? Who’s buying them?

Hey, even bad writers have the right to put their work out there (can’t imagine why anyone would want to read their shit, but bless their hearts for trying), but there are certainly better, cheaper, less ethically-challenged options than signing a contract with a company that makes it’s money exploiting those delusions.

Hey, I’ve Got an Idea

So, the other night, I was at a poetry reading. While I was waiting for the poetry reading to begin, I picked-up the latest issue of Inferno. For those of you unfamiliar with Inferno (and I suspect most of you reading this blog are not familiar with it), it is a bi-monthly arts newspaper. It’s a regional paper distributed for free at various locations on the East Coast. Anyway, I was reading Renee Rasinger’s latest “Conjuring Creativity” column — the first of a 2-parter about “generating ideas.”

According to Renee:

“There’s no one way to get ideas, only what works for you. . . . That said, there may be several methods that do work for you when it comes to generating ideas.”

Can you say, “No duh?”

Seriously, read that quotation a few times and see if you don’t start to get a sharp pain shooting out of your eye sockets.

Renee is a self-proclaimed “creativity coach.” Her only claim to that title is that she took some online seminar under the guidance of creativity guru, Eric Maisel whom she cribs from quite liberally in her articles.

If you are a long-time reader of this blog, you are probably aware of the fact that I put very little stock in creativity coaching. Although, I do think there is value in creative advocacy in certain limited circumstances. For instance, being a former cancer patient, myself, I can tell you that some of these people do wonderful work in the cancer community. But most are scam artists. I would definitely place Renee in that latter category. If you are so desperate that you need to be coached by someone like Renee, you are definitely drifting down shit creek without a paddle or a prayer.

If you are reading this blog, you are most likely involved in the creative arts in one capacity or another — so you know it’s true: Generating ideas is just about the easiest part of what we do. It’s developing those ideas into something worthwhile that’s the hard part.

Here’s just a few ideas off the top of my head:

- Man passes out drunk and wakes up missing an arm.

- Woman falls in love with the brother of her unborn baby’s father driving cross country to her own wedding.

- A young preacher stands on the ledge of a tall building reciting the Lord’s Prayer.

Hell, I could go on like that all day. But, again, that’s the easy part.

And there’s no method to it at all. Turning off that spigot is much harder than turning it on. It’s called having an imagination. Maybe try using it once in a while.

I Can Teach You How to Write in 3 Little Words

My alter-ego, “Craig” received the final installment of his mini-course “Six Fail-proof Tips for Your Writing and Publishing Success,” from Rachel Plummer this morning. I’m not sure how much of this last message I want to post here because it’s rather redundant and is an even more blatant sales pitch for her ebook course than the first two installments. For example, “Secret #5″ is really the same thing as “Secret #2,” albeit expressed in slightly different language. “Secret #6″ amounts to going to seminars to meet agents and editors and sucking up to them or, barring that, learn how to write a query letter :

Often there are guest editors and agents you can meet at seminars. It’s much easier to submit your work to someone who “knows” you and possibly told you to send them your manuscript than it is to send your work “cold” to a prospect.

The next best thing to meeting an editor or publisher in person is to meet them through a query letter that really grabs their attention.

I don’t know about you guys, but I wasn’t aware that there was any reason to attend writing conferences other than to meet people who could be helpful to your writing career.

And that bit about query letters? Don’t agents and publishers say as much on their own websites?

She goes on to say:

. . . the best way to know if you’re writing the most compelling query letter you can
is to talk it over with a professional first. A one-hour marketing consultation is just one of the superb
PERSONALIZED bonuses I offer with my e-book course: “5 Little Words That Guarantee Your Publishing Success” <--website url snipped-->

But hurry if you want to get in on the deal. At the current low price, I don’t know how long I can continue to include the great bonuses.

The idea being that the very best way to become a successful writer is to sign-up for her course and take her advice.

Listen, if you are a novice writer, there is no shame in wanting to improve yourself. And it’s a given that you would want help doing that. What you have to understand is that these writing gurus with their “tips” and “secrets” and overpriced ebook courses are not really interested in helping you — they are interested in helping themselves to your money. They feed on your hope and your desperation and count on you being too stupid to know better.

But there are no secrets to writing. There are no keys, codes, or programs. No mantras, magic spells, blood sacrifices or other rituals that will turn you into a successful writer. No short-cuts. At the end of the day, there is just you, sitting at your keyboard with all the ability, desire and hustle you have to give. There, that’s 3 little words and I’m offering them to you for free. Because everything else is just information — and it is everywhere and it, too, is usually free if you’re looking in the right place.

As for poor “Craig” — he’s too stupid to live, so I’m going to take him out back and put him out of his misery in a little while.