Diary of a Mad Editor

Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

I Wanna Be a Renegade Publisher When I Grow Up

There’s a lot of small press publishers out there nowadays who consider themselves renegades, but none, myself included, have come close to touching the legacy of those who came before us.  Guys like John Martin of Black Sparrow fame, naturally — but most especially Barney Rosset of Grove Press. Guys like these not only challenged the status quo, but also provided the world with a significant body of literature that’s still being read and talked about today.  Guys like these provided the first real “breach in the dam of American Puritanism.”  Here I am in 2008, and I’m still waiting for the goddamn flood!

You Ain’t Edgy Unless You are Hanging Over the Dark Precipice By Your Fingernails with Your Shiny Ass Dangling in the Wind

“Ever noticed how journals with “Nerve” in the title, or claim they want “edgy” work, don’t have the first and really want nothing to do with the latter?” — Robert O’Neal

Far be it for me to disparage another publisher of another literary publication on the basis of how “edgy” they are, but I have to agree with Robert. One of the reasons I started Devil Blossoms back in the day is that there was a genuine lack of places publishing work that I considered to be edgy. I thought there was a genuine niche that needed filling and judging by the number of submissions I received during that zine’s run, others agreed. If Devil Blossoms accomplished one good thing, it was that it made it acceptable for other journals to publish more unsavory material as opposed to the safe, sanitized poetry that populated literary journals in the late 80’s and early ’90s. The problem is that not everyone defines “edgy” the same way. For some people edgy is simply material which is vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. For others, it’s writing about taboo subjects. Other poets think they’re being edgy if they’re writing poem in all lowercase or all uppercase. Some writers think that it’s just a matter of writing about certain life experiences they’ve had — forget about whether or not they can actually write. I’ve had heroin addicts send me poems (so-called) that they think is edgy just because they are drug addicts — nevermind that the poems aren’t terribly well-written and have nothing much to say about the life of a drug addict or why anyone should even care about it. I always have the strong urge to tell them to forget poetry and enter a drug rehabilitation clinic.

The point is, other poets and editors define edgy their own way. I only know what edgy means to me, and it’s not about being a poetic badass or some wannabe bukowski poseur fucktard. It’s not a statement of lifestyle. It’s about saying the things that need to be said in a way that they need to be expressed. It’s about exposing inconvenient truths. It’s about dancing on the pinhead of reality. A truly edgy writer isn’t a writer who pushes the envelope or breaks boundaries — an edgy writer doesn’t even believe in envelopes or boundaries. It’s about fearlessness. It’s about the rage to live — about not going gentle into that goodnight. It’s about believing in nothing at face value but being able to wrap your mind around the possibility of everything. It’s not about being a vulgar asshole. Vulgarity for the sake of being vulgar misses the whole point of vulgarity — that we are all imperfect beings living imperfect lives in an imperfect world and vulgarity is part of that. It’s neither something to be ashamed of nor something we should be especially proud of. We embrace it simply because it is. Edginess is the recognition that we are, all of us living a breath away from a tumble into the abyss. So if you don’t get that or can’t accept that fact, you can’t be an edgy writer. If you are afraid of offending other people, you will never be an edgy writer. If you are only interested in offending other people without any interest in enlightening and entertaining your audience, you will never be a truly edgy writer. Not in my book.

5 Little Words That Guarantee Your Publishing Success

“Discover the secret every best-selling novelist
knows about writing novels that SELL!”

Looking to jump start your career as a writer?
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of what I’ve learned working as a
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along with 2 GREAT BONUSES worth over $100
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Best of all, you can try this amazing e-book
WITHOUT RISK for 90 Days.

“5 Little Words That Guarantee Your
Writing Success”

And if you believe that load of crap, I got some cheap auto insurance I’d like to sell ya!

Yeah, that’s right . . . another one of those writing gurus has reared their head. Let’s see if our aim is straight enough to hit the target, shall we.

M. Rachel Plummer — children’s book author. Her resume includes several books — at least two of her own (one seems to have been published by a vanity press) and some work-for-hire assignments with book packager 17th Street Productions (the same outfit involved in that plagiarism scandal a couple of years ago). Apparently, writing children’s books wasn’t paying the rent for her so she decided to add writing guru scam artist to her resume.

Anyway, when I stumbled upon her website the other day, I was howling with laughter. It’s one of those Clickbank mini-sites with all the power buzzwords and the usual testimonials about how great the program is.

Well, I wasn’t about to spend $200 on her ebook and “bonuses,” or even $20 for the ebook sans bonuses, so I did the next best thing — I created an alias and signed-up for the 3-day mini-course. Here’s what I was sent on the first day:

Hi Craig,

Thank you for requesting my complimentary Mini-course…

“6 Fail-proof Tips for Your Writing and
Publishing Success!”

Inside this mini-couse you’ll discover the
secrets to writing and selling your novel.
So let’s get started…

“6 Fail-proof Tips for Your Writing and
Publishing Success!”

By Award-winning Novelist Rachel Plummer
(Note: she was “awarded” an honorable mention in one of those Writer’s Digest contests. For those who care about such matters, it ain’t exactly a Newberry medal, now is it?)

Author, “5 Little Words That Guarantee
Your Publishing Success”

(note: There was another link to her ebook course here and several testimonial which I snipped)

I’ll be sending out your 3-part email course
every other day. so since today is Friday,
expect the second part of the course on
Sunday and the third part on Tuesday.

In this mini-course we’ll touch on what professional
writers know about:

1) Turning ideas into novels

2) Writing books publishers can’t put down

Time to reveal the first two secrets
to becoming a published novelist…

Secret #1: Turning ideas into novels

Ideas are everywhere, so why is it so hard to
come up with an idea for a novel?

The answer is, it’s really not. It’s learning
how to turn that idea into a full 200-300 page
work of fiction that often seems impossible.

Maybe your story starts strong and then fizzles out.
Perhaps you can’t come up with an ending. Or you
write your characters into a corner they — and
you — can’t get out of.

Bestselling novelists aren’t necessarily any more
talented than you are. Talent has really very
little to do with writing a successful novel.

When you’re writing a novel, it’s technique that
counts. Without knowing how to write a novel,
you’re going to have a hard time finishing it
and getting it published.

Most people don’t realize that writing fiction is
something you have to learn to do. Just because you
typed a few papers in high school and can put together
a letter to Aunt May doesn’t mean you know how
to write a novel.

It always surprises me when people think they can
simply sit down and type a 300-page manuscript
that’s going to read like the bestseller they
recently picked up at Borders.

Those same people would think you were crazy if
you suggested they sit down and play a Chopin
etude when they’d never had a piano lesson.

But just as you need to learn to read notes and
play scales before you can play a Beethoven sonata,
you need to learn the craft of writing.

Once you do, those ideas you have but can’t seem
to do anything with will be a thing of the past.
You’ll be able to write a novel on whatever you
want, any time you want, without hesitation.

The fact that you’re seeking help to write your
novel is an excellent sign. It means you’re serious
about pursuing your dream and willing to take the
steps necessary to make it come true.

A good writing course can make all the difference
between getting published and wishing you were.

Keep reading to learn more about what you can do
to become a successful author.

*************************************

Secret #2: Writing books publishers can’t put down

If you love to write it’s probably because you
love to read. There’s nothing better than finding
a great book that so totally captivates you, you
end up losing a night’s sleep because you can’t
put it down.

What is it about these books? What magic formulas
do the authors know that you don’t?

Surprisingly, it’s nothing you can’t learn in a few
days and accomplish with a little practice.

Pacing is one of the most important elements to
learn for keeping readers (and publishers)
on the edge of their seats.

So what exactly is pacing? It’s the rhythm of your
book, the way it flows. Next time you watch a sitcom
notice how you “feel” the joke coming after a setup,
how even if you’re in another room, you recognize
when enough time has elapsed for you to hear a
burst of canned laughter.

This is pacing. And it goes wrong when you make
things happen too fast or too slow.

When pacing is too fast, it’s usually due to a
writer being too anxious to get to the punch line.
Make sure that you’ve milked every bit of tension
from your scene before you end it.

Most of the time, however, the problem with
new writers is that their pacing is too slow.
One of the major reasons is that they use too many
unnecessary words.

For instance, someone may write, “My father
loved to drink. It was ‘almost’ as if it took
him to another world.” What they really
mean is “My father loved to drink. It was
as if it took him to another world.” The
“almost” is unnecessary. It dilutes the
strength of the sentence. Use enough
of these, and you’ll slow your story
down considerably.

Look for unnecessary words when you edit
your work and get rid of them. This
will go a long way in helping you write a
book that people can’t put down.

Let me get this straight — and correct me if I’m misreading this, but the first two “secrets” are:

1) In order to learn how to write, you have to learn how to write.

2) Pacing.

What? That’s a sample of the great pearls of wisdom I’m being offered? Well, I don’t know about you guys, but “Craig” sure wants to learn more. I feel like an accomplished writer already. Don’t you? Hell, I’m feeling a War and Peace bubbling up from inside me right now . . . no, I guess that was just gas. My bad.

To be continued. . .