Diary of a Mad Editor

Archive for August, 2008

I Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me

Haiku

Bills on the table
The summer fan blows hot air
My empty wallet

It’s funny. The other day this dude asked me, “when’re you going to start publishing Devil Blossoms again?” I couldn’t really give him a straight answer. Even if I wanted to publish another issue, I can’t afford to do it right now. He was asking me about Devil Blossoms and I was worried about paying the rest of my bills this months!

I did manage to pay my web hosting bill today and I’m please about that. I didn’t think I’d be able to, but I came up with the money in the eleventh hour. Kind of made my day. Then I got a bill for my postal box rental. The fee went up $2.00. Here I thought I’d paid all my bills for the month and was home free — at least until after Labor Day. I’d completely forgotten that the box rental is always due in August.

I’ve been so concerned about my money problems lately, I even went to one of those financial service sites to see if I could get debt help. I’ve got long term plans for myself and Asterius Press and being forced into bankruptcy won’t help me achieve those goals. Anyway, on the site, they make you take this quiz to assess your “financial IQ”. The quiz asks you all kinds of questions about your disposable income and how you save and invest. According to my score, I am a financial retard. That doesn’t surprise me. All the money I’ve got coming in goes right back out to pay off my debts. I no longer have any savings and I no longer have any investments — not even a 401k!

So, publishing Devil Blossoms or developing any other project that requires a serious infusion of cash is just not on the table right now.

I Can Teach You How to Write in 3 Little Words

My alter-ego, “Craig” received the final installment of his mini-course “Six Fail-proof Tips for Your Writing and Publishing Success,” from Rachel Plummer this morning. I’m not sure how much of this last message I want to post here because it’s rather redundant and is an even more blatant sales pitch for her ebook course than the first two installments. For example, “Secret #5″ is really the same thing as “Secret #2,” albeit expressed in slightly different language. “Secret #6″ amounts to going to seminars to meet agents and editors and sucking up to them or, barring that, learn how to write a query letter :

Often there are guest editors and agents you can meet at seminars. It’s much easier to submit your work to someone who “knows” you and possibly told you to send them your manuscript than it is to send your work “cold” to a prospect.

The next best thing to meeting an editor or publisher in person is to meet them through a query letter that really grabs their attention.

I don’t know about you guys, but I wasn’t aware that there was any reason to attend writing conferences other than to meet people who could be helpful to your writing career.

And that bit about query letters? Don’t agents and publishers say as much on their own websites?

She goes on to say:

. . . the best way to know if you’re writing the most compelling query letter you can
is to talk it over with a professional first. A one-hour marketing consultation is just one of the superb
PERSONALIZED bonuses I offer with my e-book course: “5 Little Words That Guarantee Your Publishing Success” <--website url snipped-->

But hurry if you want to get in on the deal. At the current low price, I don’t know how long I can continue to include the great bonuses.

The idea being that the very best way to become a successful writer is to sign-up for her course and take her advice.

Listen, if you are a novice writer, there is no shame in wanting to improve yourself. And it’s a given that you would want help doing that. What you have to understand is that these writing gurus with their “tips” and “secrets” and overpriced ebook courses are not really interested in helping you — they are interested in helping themselves to your money. They feed on your hope and your desperation and count on you being too stupid to know better.

But there are no secrets to writing. There are no keys, codes, or programs. No mantras, magic spells, blood sacrifices or other rituals that will turn you into a successful writer. No short-cuts. At the end of the day, there is just you, sitting at your keyboard with all the ability, desire and hustle you have to give. There, that’s 3 little words and I’m offering them to you for free. Because everything else is just information — and it is everywhere and it, too, is usually free if you’re looking in the right place.

As for poor “Craig” — he’s too stupid to live, so I’m going to take him out back and put him out of his misery in a little while.

Kinda Gives the Term “stay-cation” a Whole New Meaning

Show of hands — how many of you reading this blog own a hot tub? Yeah, me neither. Always wanted one though. Perhaps, I’ll hit the lottery this week.

Anyway, for those of you who do own a hot tub or spa, I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, but they’ve got these spa accessories that give a whole new meaning to the term “stay-cation.” These are not spa covers, but realistic murals of tropical locations (beaches, oceanscapes, palm trees and flora, etc.) that fit over spa covers to make it look like you are actually at some exotic location instead of in your own back yard. So, whether you just want to add an extra dimension to your spa experience or you want to fake out the neighbors because the economy hasn’t been kind to you and you can’t afford to travel to a real beach, these murals might be for you. They are highly durable, waterproof, chemical-resistant and easy to install. And did I mention that they are realistic?