Diary of a Mad Editor

My alter-ego, “Craig” received the final installment of his mini-course “Six Fail-proof Tips for Your Writing and Publishing Success,” from Rachel Plummer this morning. I’m not sure how much of this last message I want to post here because it’s rather redundant and is an even more blatant sales pitch for her ebook course than the first two installments. For example, “Secret #5″ is really the same thing as “Secret #2,” albeit expressed in slightly different language. “Secret #6″ amounts to going to seminars to meet agents and editors and sucking up to them or, barring that, learn how to write a query letter :

Often there are guest editors and agents you can meet at seminars. It’s much easier to submit your work to someone who “knows” you and possibly told you to send them your manuscript than it is to send your work “cold” to a prospect.

The next best thing to meeting an editor or publisher in person is to meet them through a query letter that really grabs their attention.

I don’t know about you guys, but I wasn’t aware that there was any reason to attend writing conferences other than to meet people who could be helpful to your writing career.

And that bit about query letters? Don’t agents and publishers say as much on their own websites?

She goes on to say:

. . . the best way to know if you’re writing the most compelling query letter you can
is to talk it over with a professional first. A one-hour marketing consultation is just one of the superb
PERSONALIZED bonuses I offer with my e-book course: “5 Little Words That Guarantee Your Publishing Success” <--website url snipped-->

But hurry if you want to get in on the deal. At the current low price, I don’t know how long I can continue to include the great bonuses.

The idea being that the very best way to become a successful writer is to sign-up for her course and take her advice.

Listen, if you are a novice writer, there is no shame in wanting to improve yourself. And it’s a given that you would want help doing that. What you have to understand is that these writing gurus with their “tips” and “secrets” and overpriced ebook courses are not really interested in helping you — they are interested in helping themselves to your money. They feed on your hope and your desperation and count on you being too stupid to know better.

But there are no secrets to writing. There are no keys, codes, or programs. No mantras, magic spells, blood sacrifices or other rituals that will turn you into a successful writer. No short-cuts. At the end of the day, there is just you, sitting at your keyboard with all the ability, desire and hustle you have to give. There, that’s 3 little words and I’m offering them to you for free. Because everything else is just information — and it is everywhere and it, too, is usually free if you’re looking in the right place.

As for poor “Craig” — he’s too stupid to live, so I’m going to take him out back and put him out of his misery in a little while.