Diary of a Mad Editor

Archive for June, 2008

An Example of Poetry That Sucks

Jesus Fucking Christ! This kid is not now, nor will he ever be a poet or writer of any kind. I thought this video would never end.

Poetry is Best Which Poets Least

People often ask me what makes for a good poem. It’s not so easy to answer. To merely say that, “I know it when I see it,” is a cop-out. Because we all know it when we see it — and we all have reasons for believing in what we see, even if we cannot articulate it in the moment.

There is a level at which all writing is objective — you know: spelling, using the wrong word when another would be better, too many words, or not enough. That objective part of writing is the smallest, most insignificant part. Just proofreading and copyediting.

The subjective part is what’s hard to pin down. Difficult, but not impossible.

I read poems all the time — both unpublished (and probably never will be published) poems and those published in journals that I just don’t much like. I don’t like them and I’m always pondering why I don’t like them.

In each and every case, those poets just couldn’t get out of their own damn way! Some of these poets are unskilled, unschooled amateurs. Some are academics with learned degrees. And some are those self-proclaimed outlaw poets. Their poems are all fat and ego and all their words serve themselves and their own persona and a genuine poem that clicks with an audience never emerges.

With the amateur poets, there’s usually a desire to express some emotion or other. Someone’s “soul is bleeding” or “heart is broken”. All triteness aside, their poems only ask of the audience that they sympathize with the poet. There is no connection made with the audience. The academic essentially does the same thing — only it’s a graver crime against good poetry because that poet fucking well knows better. Instead of trite language, he’ll throw up complicated metaphors — using language as intellectual tripwires to create barriers to the poem rather than free the poem to be born. And the “outlaw” — well, the bad wannabe outlaw can’t get past the desire to be seen as a poetic badass. Everything in the poem is about the poet and what a badass he is and how the world can’t handle what a badass he is. Always, always whining about how misunderstood he is: WAHWAHWAH . . . fuckfuckityfuckfuckfuck . . .WAHWAHWAH!”

A good poem transcends the mastabutory nature of self-expression.

A good poem rings true — an immediately recognizable truth that almost any audience on any given day can look at and say, “yeah, I get that,” even if that truth was previously alien to that audience.

A good poem has its own agenda, it takes center stage. Think of a poet like a roadie on a rock tour — he sets up the equipment, then goes backstage and lets the band play uninterrupted.

Now, I’m not saying I’m perfect or consistently write good poems. All poets write bad poems occasionally. Sometimes the temptation is too great! Although, it’s important to understand that the best at poetry are those that poet the least.

Vanity Ain’t No Virtue

Last week, I was sent this review copy of a book of poetry by this guy I’d never heard of before. Needless to say, I was skeptical because, chances are, if I’ve never heard of the poet before (being as the poetry world is such a small incestuous universe), it’s usually because the writer is an unpublished amateur and unpublished amateurs don’t normally get book length collections published without first establishing themselves in literary journals. Once I read his cover letter in which he admitted to being a “new” poet, my suspicions were confirmed. Normally, I wouldn’t have wasted my time even reading what was sure to be an obvious, vomit-inducing ordeal. But, Mr. George Wirshing also stated in his cover letter that his poetry was inspired by the memory of his late father, who died of cancer, so being a cancer survivor, I had a certain amount of sympathy and, therefore, out of respect for his family’s ordeal, I decided I’d give him a shot.

I’d like to be able to say I was wrong — that ole George’s poems were a revelation. But no — his poems are pretty much vomit-inducing:

“Excuse me if I don’t have much to say
The beauty of the landscape is overwhelming
Listen to the ancient tales echoing over the earth
Whispering a message of a new rebirth”

And that’s one of the better stanzas in the book! I’ll spare you guys of anymore of this foul dreck — I wouldn’t want to be blamed for anyone’s untimely suicide.

What makes the poems all the more ludicrous is that half of the book is peppered with quotations by notables like Thomas Aquinas, Shakespeare, Mother Theresa, Princess Di, etc. Yeah . . . Princess Di. Are we having fun yet?

I could not, in all seriousness, write a legitimate literary review in The 13th Warrior Review or any other periodical of a book that no reputable publisher with an ounce of sense and a pound of taste would ever legitimately publish. It seemed pretty clear to me that Tales of a Modern Mushroom was the product of a vanity publisher. Really. There’s nothing to do with this book other than make fun of it or toss it out the window for the birds and the rats.

So who did “publish” this book? An outfit called, Legacy Publishing Services. Yeah, I’d never heard of them either. They are located in Florida, and if you visit their website you will find a somewhat slick Flash site designed to look like a heavy-weight corporate publishing site and appeal to unsuspecting amateur writers like George Wirshing. The information on the site doesn’t quite add up. They claim to be a royalty publisher and don’t advertise any up-front fees (no vanity publisher does). Yet, they openly solicit beginning writers to submit (something every vanity publisher does). Why would a publisher go to the trouble and expense of publishing a writer like Wirshing? Poetry is a money-loser even when the poetry is good. Is there a serious market for really awful poetry I don’t know about? I’ve never seen any of the titles from Legacy’s catalog on any bestseller list, but this company isn’t operating as a charity as far as I can tell. Someone has to pay for that Flash site and keep the lights on. So what gives? They claim that they can get their titles into major book stores. Hmm. I’ve never seen any of the books listed in their catalog in any book store (and I’ve been known to frequent book stores and libraries quite regularly). In fact, I called several chain stores and independents such as Borders, Barnes & Noble, Sherlock Tomes and even a local Christian book store, and they all told me the same thing — they’d never heard of Legacy Publishing Services. So, I’d like to know where these books are being sold and to whom they are being sold. Amazon? Yeah, Wirshing’s book is listed on Amazon as not yet available — but even if it were available, any idiot can offer a book on Amazon!

I suspect, although I cannot verify it one way or another, that Legacy’s heartfelt desire to seek out and publish “books that inspire virtuous character” is a load of crap (certainly got my bullshit detectors a-twittering) and that its “new author program” is just vanity press code for “you pay way too much to have books printed that you can’t sell to anyone except maybe your feeble, blind grandmother.” Of course, I’m an open-minded fellow, so I’d entertain any proof to the contrary. Any takers?