Diary of a Mad Editor

Those of you who’ve been reading Ye Olde Mad Editor these many years, know how much I hate bloated cover letters. I especially hate bloated cover letters when they are fabricated almost entirely out of bullshit. Case in point: One time, not so long ago, I received a submission from a woman I’d never heard of who listed Devil Blossoms as a publication credit. As I am the publisher of Devil Blossoms you’d think I’d remember publishing her. Being the prince of a guy I am, I went through all my back issues and folders of forthcoming material to see if I had ever accepted anything from this woman. I could have been mistaken. Afterall, my memory isn’t as fool-proof as it was twenty years ago. But, no . . . I was correct — I had never published anything by this woman. I realize that writers will sometimes pad their accomplishments to make themselves look more impressive. A few will even resort to an outright lie if they think they can get away with it. But how fucking brain dead retarded do you have to be to falsely claim a magazine as a publishing credit when submitting to that very magazine? You almost have to chuckle at the notion.

But that’s not where this kind of thing stops. Most writers don’t lie so much as they tell the truth in such a way as to create a false impression. For instance, listing award nominations. It always sounds so impressive doesn’t it when one is nominated for the Pushcart Anthology. Truth is, Pushcart nominations get handed out like Halloween candy these days and only a small percentage of those nominations make it into that anthology. Any literary publication in North America can nominate writer for the anthology. And if you are an editor who published your own work in your magazine, you can even nominate yourself — that’s right. Aside from that, since the Anthology doesn’t publish the names of the writers who were nominated, it would be hard to disprove whether or not someone had been nominated or not. Aside from a handful of nominating presses, most publishers don’t announce who they’ve nominated. So just by saying in a cover letter that you were nominated creates the impression that you are a widely regarded writer. The Pushcart is just the easiest example of this. I know of two gentleman who list in their cover letters that they have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for poetry. It’s probably not a lie. But, get this: you can nominate yourself for a Pulitzer. That’s right, all you have to do is pay the fee and send it along with copies of your book and a bio. In both cases, these writers’ books were published by a vanity outfit and the only way they could have been nominated is if they paid a fee to the vanity publisher for the service or nominated themselves. These “nominations” have zero merit.

Now, I’ve honed my bullshit detectors to a razor fine edge over the years and just for curiousities sake I will often check on a writer’s bona fides when I feel the caliber of work doesn’t measure up to the hype. It’s better all around, if a writer is simply honest in the cover letter. Don’t lie about publication credits or awards. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. Let your work stand and fall on its merits. A really good writer will rise above a low status sooner or later. Bad writers will only get so far by being disingenous. Eventually, they will be revealed for the frauds they are, so you have to ask yourself: Do I want my work to be taken seriously or do I want a reputation built on lies and deception?