Shits and Giggles on Amazon.com
Written by John Erianne on April 14, 2007 – 10:50 pm -The other day while I was checking my websites stats, I noticed my name came up in the keyword search string. Curious, I backtracked and found a “review” on Amazon.com for one of my collections written by a guy going by the handle Maxites “Diocrides”. Seems ole Maxi Pad is no fan of yours truly:
Snake Oil?, March 3, 2007
“Yet another disappointment from John C. Erianne; who hopefully is beginning to realize that being worse than the 3 millionth ranking on amazon, basically the only place that sells his self-published s**t, is enough to call it quits. Snake Piss is one of those books you hope to forget, just like John C. Erianne”
and . . .
Worst writing ever, March 3, 2007
“If you like sarcasm used an astronomical amount of ways simply because the writer’s life isn’t going their way: buy this book! It’s filled with “dark humor,” a.k.a. s**t, and just emphasizes the fact that some authors should never be published: especially when they publish themselves.”
Days after these two reviews appeared an “R. Christ” chimed-in with a couple of blurbs in support of Maxi Pad’s opinion:
Maxites was right - i hate to admit, March 12, 2007
Reviewer: R. Christ (Portland, Oregon USA)“I have read all types of poetry, and thought it would be neat to pick out an author I, and no one I knew, had heard of. I hate to sound mean but, it was a waste of money and i should have stuck to the greats. Dont waste your money on this, or your time. The poetry is mediocre and dull. He tries to hard and obviously thinks too highly of himself. In researching him after i had suffered through Snake Oil I found his blog. What a sheer disapointment that was. He is just another over aged, egocentric, emo, loser. of our time. His poetry is far from passionate, and his messages are redundant. I wouldnt recommend this book to anyone.”
and . . .
Again- the only person i agree with is Maxites., March 12, 2007
Reviewer: R. Christ (Portland, Oregon USA)“My review of Erianne on Snake Oil is still the way i feel. Usually authors will put out a bad book of poetry once in their career. So i gave Erianne another chance after snake oil and bought this. Another disapointment. I dont see how anyone who knows anything about the art of poetry can enjoy his writing. It is overused, boring, and cliche. Erianne should stick to blogging because this poetry is not worth any amount of money, it is over-emotional High School level poetry, dont waste your time or money.”
Oh Gosh Golly and darn, Max Pads and Christ!
You are so mean! I’m gonna cry now. “MOMMY, Max Pads don’t like my poems.” Waahhhhhhhh.
Seriously, when has anyone ever heard me say I was a great poet or even a good one? And I do realize the things I write are not everyone’s cup of tea. A lot of people are intolerant of material such as “Pornstar with Terminal Cancer” found in Snake Oil or “Tourette’s” found in The View from Down Here and easily dismiss them as something less than serious poems. Who am I to say they are wrong? What is serious poetry anyway? Not for me to decide — I’d guess it’s for astute critics like Max Pads and his buddy R. Christ.
For my part, I apologize for being such an awful writer that you were compelled (according to you) to read not one but two of my books and also this blog just so you could tell the unsuspecting public how bad it was. Really, I commend you for this public service and for putting me in my place. And just to show you what a fair guy I am, I will send you a full refund out of my own pocket if you would be willing to mail those books back to me with your official Amazon.com invoice (afterall, those books should be burned, dammit, and all evidence of their existence erased and since I wrote them it’s my responsibility to destroy them). So how about it guys? Feel like helping this overaged, egocentric loser out?
Come on, Max Pads. You seem like a reasonable guy. Anyone who thinks Kill Bill 1 & 2 are crap movies yet appreciates the high artistic value of The Breakfast Club must be reasonable. And I know (also according to you) that it’s all about keeping it real. And I know you’re a deep, complicated soul who enjoys no-name hip-hop groups yet can still appreciate Lord of the Rings and the “subtle and delicate” beauty of junk jewelry. And your command of the English Language astounds me. I never realized there were so many ways to use the word “dope” as an adjective before. So really, I bow down to your magnificent self and do sincerely apologize for disappointing you.
May 15th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
*snorts*
To be frank, I think these guys are just pathetic to state their opinion in such a manner.
If they didn’t like it, they could have told you in person instead of being cheap wankers about it.
That one states their dislike, fine, I mean, we can’t be all fans of one’s work, but for Fargoth’s sake, how hard can it be?!