A Fistful of Phonies
Written by John Erianne on January 28, 2007 – 3:12 pm -If someone paid me a dollar every time some wannabe asshole poet has addressed himself as a “literary outlaw” in his bio, I’d be a very rich man indeed. It seems as though this particular disease has been on the rise since that anthology, The Outlaw Bible was published. Every half-wit retard with a pen who read that book thinks he’s an outlaw poet these days.
Just the other day, I was reading this submission by this young dude who states in his cover letter: “I’m an outlaw poet cut from the mold of bukowski, ginsberg, and kerouac . . .” Never mind the fact Bukowski and Ginsberg have nothing in common as poets save for being deceased, I don’t even know what this chucklehead is talking about. What does it really mean to be an “outlaw poet” anyway? Unless you are in fact a criminal who happens to also write poetry, you cannot legitimately claim to be either an outlaw or a poet. Now the term literary outlaw usually is applied to writers who deal outside the mainstream in the alternative press. However, might I point out that so-called alternative venues for literature far outnumber the so-called mainstream venues for literature so, if the exception becomes the rule can anyone writing alternative literature or espousing political beliefs shared by the majority of readers of those venues be considered literary outlaws?
To be a real literary outlaw you have to have certain ingredients. First off, you have to have actual talent. Secondly, you cannot merely espouse certain beliefs to your very small choir of dittoheads. You have to be a genuine gadfly in the ointment of acceptable literature. Thirdly, you cannot simply be a punchline to a joke — you have to rattle cages and piss people off for sure, but you have to make them think as well and do it in an intelligent manner. If you can accomplish these things simultaneously, then perhaps you can consider yourself a literary outlaw. And another thing: if you have to tell people at every opportunity that you are a literary outlaw that’s a sure sign that you are nothing of the sort and are, in fact, a poseur.
