Diary of a Mad Editor

Archive for January, 2007

A Fistful of Phonies

If someone paid me a dollar every time some wannabe asshole poet has addressed himself as a “literary outlaw” in his bio, I’d be a very rich man indeed. It seems as though this particular disease has been on the rise since that anthology, The Outlaw Bible was published. Every half-wit retard with a pen who read that book thinks he’s an outlaw poet these days.

Just the other day, I was reading this submission by this young dude who states in his cover letter: “I’m an outlaw poet cut from the mold of bukowski, ginsberg, and kerouac . . .” Never mind the fact Bukowski and Ginsberg have nothing in common as poets save for being deceased, I don’t even know what this chucklehead is talking about. What does it really mean to be an “outlaw poet” anyway? Unless you are in fact a criminal who happens to also write poetry, you cannot legitimately claim to be either an outlaw or a poet. Now the term literary outlaw usually is applied to writers who deal outside the mainstream in the alternative press. However, might I point out that so-called alternative venues for literature far outnumber the so-called mainstream venues for literature so, if the exception becomes the rule can anyone writing alternative literature or espousing political beliefs shared by the majority of readers of those venues be considered literary outlaws?

To be a real literary outlaw you have to have certain ingredients. First off, you have to have actual talent. Secondly, you cannot merely espouse certain beliefs to your very small choir of dittoheads. You have to be a genuine gadfly in the ointment of acceptable literature. Thirdly, you cannot simply be a punchline to a joke — you have to rattle cages and piss people off for sure, but you have to make them think as well and do it in an intelligent manner. If you can accomplish these things simultaneously, then perhaps you can consider yourself a literary outlaw. And another thing: if you have to tell people at every opportunity that you are a literary outlaw that’s a sure sign that you are nothing of the sort and are, in fact, a poseur.

If You Are Not a Part of the Problem, You Are the Problem

At the time John Martin sold Black Sparrow Press and drifted off into retirement it took most people in the small press by surprise. That he sold his catalog of titles for a sum reputed to be in the eight figure range was nothing short of astounding for a small press operation Martin started in his garage. But Martin’s success was something of a fluke when one considers that most small press ventures are not successful at all and many don’t even last two years. Of course, by the time Black Sparrow was sold, it was no longer a such a small press. Indeed, while all small presses are independent, not all independent publishers are small, and the house that Bukowski built had ceased to be a nickle and dime operation long before it’s demise. Black Sparrow represented the dream many of us who run small presses have — to do well enough that we are able to make a living off of it and maybe launch a career or two in the process.

The problem is that most small press people aren’t very good at business. They are not very adept at cultivating their lists with authors who can actually write books that sell. They are not very good at the day-to-day stuff. Certainly, I would most definitely include myself in this group. I hate the administrative bullshit that goes along with publishing. I prefer to publish authors whose work I enjoy rather than publishing books that sell. I enjoy the creative challenge of being an editor and making a decent showcase for a writer’s art — but I hate being a “publisher”.

There is also the problem of infighting among the writers and publishers who inhabit the small press universe. The small press community is an association of petty incestuous little cliques. So many editors out there only publish their friends. Genuine creativity and merit is often lost in the machinery of the “you-scratch-my-back-I’ll- scratch-yours” mentality. And when that system of favoritism breaks down? Writer A get mad at Writer B and another clique forms from the ashes of that broken friendship. Over the years, I’ve lost count of how many feuds I’ve witnessed or heard about or read about in the pages of some publication or other.

Of course, there is also the fear of the Internet. Although, some progress has been made, there are still far too many small press people out there who want nothing to do with the World Wide Web.

There was a time when the small press was a breeding ground for great American writers. Almost every notable writer of the twentieth century was first published in the small press. But, what was once a birthing place in the twentieth century has become a graveyard in the twenty-first, and that isn’t likely to change until writers and publishers wake up.

And I’m not just talking about the small press print media either. The Internet literary scene has a lot to answer for too, for most of the Internet publishers are following the same paradigm as their print cousins. Though the Internet is a different medium than print, it should not remain separate. With the upsurge in new printing technologies, there is no good reason why an Internet publisher should not be engaged in print lit projects as well as electronic lit publishing. It’s going to take more than getting print writers over to the World Wide Web to make the Internet a respectable place. And if the small press print publishers don’t get online, they will die-out sooner or later as the audience for electronic media grows. It is both economically and creatively stupid to blind oneself to the reality. The electronic and print media must form a symbiotic relationship with one another to survive in the 21st century.

Put a Stamp on an SAE or I’ll Stomp Your A-S-S!

In all my years as a writer, I have never known a publication that didn’t absolutely require a Self Addressed Stamp Envelope or a prepaid postcard in order to facillitate the reply to a submission. Am I wrong? Have the rules changed? No? I didn’t think so. Nonetheless, of the first dozen or so submissions I read this morning, no less than five of them came to me sans SASE or so much as an email in order to communicate my reply. One of those individuals even had the nerve to note, at the bottom of his cover letter:”You can send your generous acceptance letter to the following address:” Yeah, sure chief, I’ll send my generous reply across the room into the trash can, thank you very much. And just when I thought I had moved through the idiot pile for the day, I returned to the stack after my morning walk and discovered yet another submission without a SASE or even an IRC (it was from Canada). The half a dozen handwritten poems were accompanied by a Canadian 20-dollar bill, which I assume is intended as a subscription, although there was no cover letter or note indicating that. For all I know it is intended as a bribe. What stinks about this is that if it is a subscription, I have no way of making good on it because in addition to forgetting a return envelope, he also didn’t include his name and address on his submission and the return address on the envelope the pages arrived in is absolutely illegible. That’s right, even if I was inclined to communicate with this guy to find out what’s what, I can’t because I have no idea who he is or where in Canada he resides! He could be the fucking Prime Minister for all I know.

Listen up. If you are going to submit material via snail mail you need to do the following things or you simply won’t get a reply:

1. make sure your copy is legible. I strongly suggest that your ms. be printed in dark black ink and that your name and address be on the page somewhere (upper left corner works for me).

2. Include a Self-addressed-stamp-envelope or postcard or IRC’s if you live outside the country. At the very least include an email address. I will not contact you by phone, so don’t assume that I will.

4. Make sure you have copies of the work you send. Never send originals.

5. And never send cash through the mail. If you want to buy a subscription it should be a check or a money order. If you don’t understand why, you are even dumber than I think you are.

And finally, double check to make sure everything’s in order before sealing that envelope and mailing your submission.

Just some friendly advice.