Archive for 2000
The Submission Dialogue
Written by John Erianne on April 9, 2000 – 1:11 am -Last Saturday, I took part in a symposium entitled “The Power of Poetry.” The discussion was made-up mostly of poets who took part in the readings that were held that day, but was open to the public. One among the non-poets attending was a schizophrenic woman. Have you ever engaged in conversation with a paranoid schizophrenic? It’s a trip around the world, let me tell you. It occurred to me that engaging in dialogue with young wannabe poets is often similar. Case in point:
A young man, who had read some of my “mad editor” articles, decided to try me with a submission. He e-mailed three untitled poems lumped together on the page as if they were one long rambling poem. I gave him a harsh, line-by-line critique in which i basically pointed out that his choice of language indicated to me that he was a racist. However, before I replied to him, I covered my rear by forwarding the poem to two other editors whose opinions I respected. So, I not only got a second opinion, but a third as well. Listen, I’m not going to accuse someone of racism unless I am confident. The two other editors concurred with my opinion. Now, given my history, I expected hate mail. Instead of hate mail, the young man sent a long rebuttal informing me that his poems were actually intended to mean the opposite of what I got from the poems. He also sent another submission for me to critique. The following is a dialogue both with the young man and the poem itself:
All right, here comes the pain:
2: SUBMISSION: take two
1.
You shoplifted my dreams
(sounds like a line from a country and western song)
with your K-mart culture
(the phrase ‘k-mart culture’ might be interesting in another context)
made a mockery of life;
over two billion sold.
(That’s mcdonald’s not k-mart. don’t confuse the two).
Now all my emotions
are a media circus;
(oh lord)
there’s a new advertisement
for my every desire.
Can you exploit all my feelings
while I’m brushing my teeth?
(huh?)
When I’m doing my laundry you expect me to care.
You anoint my involvement
in life with a price tag;
my every breath is a profit,
and the prices are cheap
(What the fuck?)
2.
I don’t want to go outside
I don’t even want to get out of bed
(”i don’t wanna grow up, i’m a toys ‘r’ us kid…”)
to go out into that cold and distant world
(Had a girlfriend named cliche once… she’d been used by lots of guys and it showed).
I’d like to have it all done for me
right here in the comfort
of warm blankets and soft sheets
the dim, dark peace of pillows
to smother my mind
I could turn on the television
to find out more about the giant rock
falling on our heads
going to smash our little world
but it wouldn’t tell me
I’d just get stuck in cartoon dreams
> and Gilligan lies.
( i think you watch too much television).
3.
I drink myself into a stupid
(Bear with me, i’m trying to visualize this)
acting like a child
(”I don’t wanna grow up, i’m a toys ‘r’ us kid…” Oops, that line’s been used before, hasn’t it?)
an innocense deranged
(Webster’s Dictionary, there is no substitute)
I feed the flames at midnight
(Is that a low-cholesterol diet?)
thinking of your kiss
fleeing to the never ending beerlight
(What the hell is a beerlight? Do you mean, “bar”? if so, why not simply say, “bar”?)
you like the way I stare?
(Actually, no, I was thinking that you are seriously disturbed and I was planning to ask the bouncer to walk me to my car.)
becoming more concrete
(And for my next trick, i will turn into a garden gnome named Bob.)
trying to catch the light
on my naked skin
They’ll be no darkness tonight
you’ve seen to that my love
my never ending dove
(You’re kidding, right?)
lifting your head
into the thrill of my sloppy off-handed kiss
(Hmm, i don’t think he’s kidding)
and you slip inside me
(This reminds me of that movie X-tro)
thrill me
maybe
maybe even kill me
and in the sun
the burning awful sun
(this reminds me of that movie, A Man Called Horse.)
I can wear you as disguise
(if she’s slipped inside you, how can you wear her as a disguise? Are you talking about someone who’s driven you to drink or the act of drinking itself — if so, your metaphors hardly illuminate. )
to hide the things I know were true
the words I never thought I knew
and all because of you,
all because I loved you.
(oo, oo, oo!)
Again i appreciate your comments, although i admit that the last ones left me hating my own work. still, i hear growth can be painful that way.
————————————————–
So, now I’m starting to think about my conversation with the schizophrenic woman and the disjointed nonsense she was spewing. “…you know that movie about the spiders, arachnaphobia, and it was about spiders and then there was the world wide web and then everytime somebody died they saw spiders…” Well, you get the idea. She was speaking her own language, one that couldn’t be translated into anything resembling good sense.
————————————————–
So our young poet can’t just take his medicine. No, he replies with yet another long-winded defense explaining what his poems are really about:
“sorry, if i am trying your patience but in some sick way i really do appreciate your responses 1. yes i know the quote is mcdonalds, i was mixing more than just one icon of bland american consumerism in a poem about commercials”
(I gathered that. what i was saying is that your attempt didn’t really work)
“the lines you didnt understand were referring to commercials like’use tide detergent because you love your kids’ i’m paraphrasing, but that was the basic gist of that commercial.”
(it’s not that I didn’t understand — i just thought your lines were horrible)
2. if you take everything literally its not fucking poetry-in the second piece i am showing the laziness of our culture, not my own personal laziness-our fixation with vapid tv programs, and how tv ignores much of what really is going on in the world, instead pandering to the desire for the aforementioned vapid meaningless sitcoms.
(Yet you watch these very programs… does anyone else see the irony? Try reading a book once in awhile).
3. again, if i thought i was going to have to tell everything to people in blindingly simple neon infomercials i wouldnt be doing !@$$-ing poetry!
(Trust me when i tell you, you haven’t yet written !@$$-ing poetry)
“the third piece is a love poem for beer.”
(What, are you doug mckenzie?)
“as for why i didnt just say bar, it rythmically didnt fit for me at the time.”
(And you know exactly what about rhythm?)
“but you DID still understand what i meant right?”
(Just because i understood it, doesn’t make it a good, useful line You forget, I’m used to reading bad poetry. It’s like deciphering a teacher’s writing in class. Just because you can translate the hieroglyphics doesn’t make the handwriting anything more than chicken scratch. My ability to understand says more about my expertise than yours.)
“the sloppy offhanded kiss refers to casually lifting the glass to the mouth;therefore, “slipping inside me” refers to the alcohol going physically into my body, and the line of “burning awful sun” refers naturally to the morning after, when i get told about all the things i might have said, but i blame my words and actions on the beer, thereby wearing it as a disguise. and, well ok i admit the “becoming more concrete” part was a bit obscure, its mainly just a bit of surrealistic thought that came to mind when i was drunk once, actually come to think of it i’m pretty sure i was drunk when i wrote it.”
(that doesn’t surprise me)
” i figure that gives the whole poem a bit of validity, and if it comes off as drunken ramblings i guess i can’t help but be pleased.”
(Drunken ramblings that come off as drunken ramblings? I’d be shocked if it came across as anything else. even bukowski, drunk that he was, didn’t write under the influence. don’t be so pleased — you might have put those lost brain cells to better use).
“at this point i have to mention that in fact, i think > marylin manson IS a fairly decent poet.”
(Hey, he’s a character and an okay rock star. he’s not a poet. if you think he is, you haven’t read nearly enough poetry.)
Here’s what you can do to improve:
1. read everything: poetry, fiction, history, philosophy, etc. cut down on your tv consumption — it’s rotting your brains.
2. stop submitting for awhile. you are not ready for prime time –dig? And as long as you believe your writing is defensible, you will not grow. publication should never be your goal, anyway. There are more bad writers with publication credits than good writers without them.
3. stop trying so hard to be clever in your writing — you are not very good at it. Your poems simply do not communicate well. Writing can be simple without losing it’s underlying complexity and depth of meaning.
4. Get over the idea that rock singers are poets or you will just end up with a compilation of bad song lyrics.
5. Attend some open mics and read your stuff in front of an audience. you’d be surprised what you can learn from the experience. don’t waste your time with another long rebuttal because i won’t bother torespond to it. If you do submit, you will receive the standard form rejection.
Well, Rilke, I am not. This guy, doesn’t get it. If you write a poem so obscure as to require a separate piece of writing to explain it, that’s a sure hint for you that you are doing something wrong. Clarity. Clarity. Clarity. Every letter of every word of every line of every stanza MUST justify itself. Poetry isn’t supposed to be obscure and it’s the failure of the poet –not the reader if the poem is unclear in it’s meaning.
Posted in Happy Horseshit, Publishing, The Writing Life, Wannabes | No Comments »So What, You Are a Poet? No One Cares, Pt. 3
Written by John Erianne on April 8, 2000 – 3:22 pm -So, the other day, a submission pops-up in my e-mail — a poem about masturbation. Okay, nothing wrong with that — I’ve even written one or two of those poems, myself. But, the woman didn’t really care about whether her poem was good or not; she was just trying to get a rise out of me. The poem wasn’t all that good as a matter of fact. I critiqued it and made suggestions about how she might fix it. So, today upon returning from work I open my e-mail and there’s a reply from the woman in which she states that she didn’t want my input and has no intention of changing her poem. (sigh) Why do “poets” who have no real interest in having their work evaluated submit poetry anyway? If you are not serious about improving your work or having it published why would you waste an editor’s time? Why would you waste your time? It’s absurd. Having a hobby is fine and poetry as a hobby is better than many hobbies one might choose, but if that’s all it is then the creative act, itself, is reduced to a form of masturbation. Again, nothing wrong with that - except when you invite an audience to witness the spectacle then get bent out of shape when the crowd doesn’t cheer.
If any of you good people out there fall into the above category listen to me now:
An editor — any editor - evaluates manuscripts for the sole purpose of finding good material to showcase. The editor doesn’t care about your personal feelings or mental health issues. He’s not running an encounter group for dysfunctional wannabe poets (although, it often seems like it and probably should start billing by the hour). Often he has to reject good manuscripts along with the bad simply because he doesn’t have space for them. So it stands to reason, if you submit work that is not top shelf, it will very likely be rejected. Your work will be judged and it will be dismissed. Ta-ta, bye now, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Understand? Now, if that editor actually takes the time to give you a little constructive feedback, it’s a positive sign. It is not a good idea to reply with a comment like “these are my personal fucking feelings and I’m not changing them for anybody.” In fact, if you have to reply at all, a polite “thank you” would suffice.
Posted in Happy Horseshit, Publishing, Rants | No Comments »Letting the Poem Elude You By Getting Yourself Hooked On a Feeling
Written by John Erianne on March 7, 2000 – 9:09 pm -Almost without exception, our first dabbling in the art of poetry tends to start through the expression of deep emotions in our journals. This usually happens in our teen years while we are dealing with the hormonal and social traumas of puberty. This isn’t an entirely unhealthy thing to do as the alternative usually manifests itself in the desire to shoot people. Of course, to the extent that this brand of expression is excruciating to have to read, sometimes, I’d rather take a bullet.
When I first decided to open my doors to the work of others, I was very careful how I rejected these young people who sent me poems from their diaries. I would write them long, kind letters explaining some of the things I wished someone had explained to me before I started submitting my own work. I wanted to spare them some of the heinous crap I endured. What happened was, they would send me even more of their rancid shit for me to critique. After about two months of this, I came the conclusion that we would both be better off in the long run if I just let them have it with both barrels.
Emotions. We all have them. . . Well, most of us have them. The expression of emotion is natural, but it is not poetry. Saying things like, “my heart is aflame with burning love,” is just plain silly. Let’s face it, when you are in love you are usually reacting to the emotion with an entirely different organ, and I’ll give you a hint — cast your eyes a little lower.
For one thing, if you are writing a love poem about your significant other, realize that a stranger reading your work doesn’t know either of you and could care less. Sentimentality is not only silly, but useless, as it doesn’t communicate anything of value to your audience.
Instead of relying on the expression of emotion, try this as an exercise:
Re-phrase your poem as a series of questions, then answer the questions. If you can answer the questions, you may actually have the raw material to build an effective poem about your subject matter, one that complete strangers might understand and be able to identify with.
Also, if you are in the habit of writing in a journal — good for you, but you should also be reading poetry. If you don’t enjoy reading poetry, odds are you won’t enjoy writing poetry.
Posted in General, Publishing, The Writing Life | No Comments »
