Thank You for Submitting, Now Go Away!
Written by John Erianne on April 11, 2000 – 6:24 pm -There are many things that will immediately send me rushing for the aspirin bottle (or the whiskey bottle) when I am evaluating a manuscript. Failure to include a self-addressed stamped envelope with postal submissions is a biggie. The money I hand over to the post office during a 12-month period is outrageous enough without footing the bill for unsolicited submissions. And god help you if you send me something postage due.
I don’t like pages that are folded individually or pages that are in any way illegible. I don’t like pages that smell like they’ve been dipped in feces.
I don’t like it when the envelope is wrapped in so much packing tape that it requires major surgery to open it.
I don’t like amateur writer who submit links to their homepages and actually think I’m going to visit and read their fucking poetry.
I don’t like file attachments for many reasons — not the least of which is that this is the way most PC viruses are spread.
But mostly, I just can’t stand it when someone completely disregards my submission guidelines even after reading them. It’s not only a waste of my time, it’s disrespectful to all the other people who’ve submitted who do follow those guidelines.
Case in point:
From: Beverly A Hall
To: theeditor@asteriuspress.com
Sent: Thursday, February 15, 2001 6:25 PM
Subject: Submission
Message: (blank screen, file attached)
Reply:
Read my guidelines (link provided)
My guidelines clearly state, “Electronic submissions encouraged and should be sent as text in the message body with “submission” as the subject header. No file attachments please. ”
Reply to my reply:
From: Beverly A Hall
To: theeditor@asteriuspress.com
Subject: Re: [Fwd: submissions]
Dear jce,
I read the guidelines before submitting the poems. What did I miss, the cover letter?
Respectfully,
B.A. Hall
My reply to her reply to my reply:
john Erianne wrote:
NO FILE ATTACHMENTS
Her Reply to my reply to her reply to my reply:
Dear Sir,
This letter is to query regarding your submissions policy for poetry. I read the guidelines online, but apparently missed something that you require. For some reason, there was no response to my last e-mail regarding this issue. Please respond at your earliest convenience.
Respectfully,
B.A. Hall
I look over to the three mean stacks of submissions I still have yet to wade through and I sigh. Apparently, one does not require higher brain function to call oneself a poet these days
.
