Diary of a Mad Editor

“. . .can you tell me why people say *could care less* when they (almost always) mean *COULDN’T care less*? (i.e. *I already care as little as it is possible to care*.)” – Rebecca Henry Lowndes

Funny that Rebecca should choose to fixate on that particular phrase. How do I respond to this? Is it worth responding to? Yes, I think it is.

Sure, when someone says, “could care less,” he literally intends that he “could not care less.” On the surface, it would seem much more proper to say, “couldn’t care less,” wouldn’t it? But, the English language is a funny thing. Sometimes up is down and black is white. Sometimes, being proper is entirely inappropriate.

For example, if Jerk-off Joe, now starving in Las Vegas, had said, “My girlfriend left me and I COULDN’T care less,” would you believe him? Seriously. “Couldn’t” has that “T” on the end. Kind of gives it a little bite, doesn’t it. Maybe even sounds a little angry. Sounds like Jerk-off Joe hasn’t really gotten over her, and with Valentine’s Day coming up and all, that’s got to suck.

Now, if Joe had said, “Man,I could care less about my ex. Las Vegas has some serious babe-traffic.” He sounds positively cavalier, doesn’t he? Like he truly could not care less. I believe him, don’t you?

Learning the rules of proper usage is important –don’t misunderstand me. Through grammar, we learn structure. However, I’ve never met a grammar nazi who could write worth a damn. The rules are there as a guide and nothing more. Michael Jordan didn’t learn how to fly from a rule book, and you won’t learn to write well by following the rules of grammar as if they were absolute gospel. Your job as a writer is to communicate to the widest audience possible, to make them believe. Sometimes, in order to do that, you have to show them you can fly.